All aboard the outrage train?

Tradwife influencers - the next big thing

“My husband desires a wife who is submissive... It's my duty to be the wife that my husband needs, wants and desires.”

Remember last year when a Kansas Chiefs player sent the internet into meltdown? Not Travis Kelce, well on his way to being immortalised in the next Swift album, but teammate Harrison Butker – the bearded Catholic kicker who dropped a twenty-minute speech on 485 graduates at Benedictine College in Kansas.

Most of it was a rally cry for religious conservatism – unsurprising given the context. But what truly lit up the internet was this:

"Some of you may go on to lead successful careers, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world. I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabelle, would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother.”

Cue outrage. Misogyny! Homophobia! A petition to have him dropped from the Chiefs!

The usual online pile-on followed – attack met with defence, everyone yelling, few minds changed.

What gave me pause wasn’t the speech itself (again, not my vibe), but how shocked people were that this kind of thinking still exists. That it’s not just alive – it’s thriving.

This is the “trad wife” movement. A quick Google will show you women proudly showcasing lives dedicated to homemaking, modest dressing, deference to husbands – often through the lens of conservative Christianity. Their social followings suggest this isn't some obscure fringe. For Butker’s audience, a chord was struck.

Personally? I’m unsettled. I fell down the #tradwife rabbit hole, mouth agape, rapidly firing off New Yorker articles to friends. And yet, my own visceral reaction prompted me to step back and consider a few things about outrage itself, and maybe this is the more important part of the equation.

1. How effective is outrage?

Social media echo chambers mean many of us genuinely believe our worldview is the default. So when something jars - like tradwives or incels or discovering people genuinely do love Peter Dutton - it’s not just disagreement – it’s disorientation. We lash out. We "other" people. It's a totally understandable reaction, but it's not that effective if we're hoping to change anything. Because we miss the chance to understand why someone believes what they do.

Instead, what if we stayed curious? Not to agree, but to listen. To interrogate our assumptions. To recognise that context matters, and that for some, these beliefs feel life-giving – even if they’re not for me.

Uncomfortable yes... a better way toward conversations that might create progress on improtant issues? Probably.

2. It's a journey.

Progress isn’t permanent. Ideas – even old ones – resurface. Civilisations have long cycled through progress, regression, and everything in between. The mullet came back. So did nationalism. And yes, the glorification of the stay-at-home wife.

Humans are weird: we crave both novelty and certainty. We want new jobs, new loves – but also safe tribes and clear lines. That tension fuels our silos and limits our role as thoughtful citizens.  If a movement can surge in one direction, it can surge in another. Humans have always had a wild appetite for ideas – and maybe, just maybe, we still have a hunger for hopeful ones too. 😊

Every time we have a visceral reaction to someone else's views, we're faced with an opportunity. Yes, it's important to process our emotions with trusted friends and in certain contexts, express anger publicly. But beyond that, we can retreat into our little enclaves of self righteous fury or we can acknowledge the process of change and commit to being a sympathetic, open minded companion on the journey. Sometimes, it's even possible we might be the ones in need of the re-think ;)

*Not swapping my laptop for the apron any time soon.