“He looks really sad. I hope he’s got someone looking after him.” Brydie is nine and about the most empathic person I’ve ever met. She feels the pain of both man and beast, and also creatures that are stuffed.
Tony Abbott probably feels like he falls into that last category. Browsing the Guardian online over my shoulder, Brydie notices one of several ‘sad-face’ Tony pictures. She knows why – a day earlier, our Prime Minister has been sacked by his own Party.
“I know he wasn’t doing a very good job.” Brydie continues thoughtfully. “But what exactly was wrong with him?”
Ah. Social and mainstream media have been offering up their pearls on this topic all week, of course. (Make that all year). Asked that question, many would reply: “He’s useless.” Plus a few expletives. Insert your own derisive meme or cartoon here.
But surely the man who was our Prime Minister, a Rhodes Scholar, a father and husband – another human being like the rest of us – deserves a bit more than that?
“You know what?” I say to Bry. “I think Tony Abbott has that thing going on that we’ve talked about before, where your strengths can also be your weaknesses. You know that thing?”
Brydie nods. Yes, she knows it. We’ve talked before about how being someone “quick to feel” can make them warm and open, but it can also mean they experience life’s ups and downs more strongly than others. Or how being super organised can be great, except when it makes you feel stressed when things aren’t lined up exactly perfectly. Every strength has its dark side.
“I think… and it’s just what I think… that Tony Abbott is incredibly determined and has this amazing belief in his ideas.” I say. “Like you already know, I don’t agree with some of his ideas, but he believes in them really really strongly. Actually so do a lot of other people in Australia, which is why he got asked to be leader and how his Party got elected in the first place. And these ideas, he goes after them! People say he was a good opposition leader because he just never let up and went hard all the time. And that can be a strength. But what do you think the weakness of that strength would be?”
Brydie loves these kind of conversations, especially if they’re happening around the time she should be heading for bed, like this one is. “He’s probably going to be too bossy and not listen to anyone else.”
Exactly. Anything else? How about if you’re trying to be a leader?
“He might not like it if he doesn’t get his own way? He might not talk to everyone about his ideas… He might just do it because he’s the Prime Minister… He might not ever think he’s wrong. He might not be able to say sorry…”
Great little brainstorming session, Brydie. Yes, these are some of the weaknesses of the ‘determination’ strength. Abbott personally has described himself as a mutt chasing a car. (Does he realise how many dogs end up dead that way?) Not all of Abbott’s failings come down to the dark side of his strengths. But it’s a useful way to think about many of them – and also a useful way to think about our own character traits.
We talk about how it’s good to have someone close to you who can help you see clearly when something that’s good about you starts to turn bad. In Mr Abbott’s case, Peta Credlin and his other personal staff should have been in his ear, letting him know he was on thin ice. Certainly the public and his colleagues gave him fair warning six months ago. But again, sometimes you can have your eyes so fixed on the prize that you can’t see what’s going on in front of your nose.
Strength. Weakness.
None of this was outside the grasp of my nine year old. She went to bed (finally!) still hoping that Tony Abbott is okay, having lost the most high profile leadership job in the country while all of Australia watched. She went to bed knowing that people even in the highest positions in the land struggle with the dark side of their strengths. She went to bed thoughtful and compassionate, like always.
I hope she stays that way. Even if she grows up to disagree with many of the things Tony Abbott did or said in Government – and it’s quite possible she might – I hope she’ll remember that she saw him first as a person. Good and bad, like all of us. And sad to have lost a job he cared about enormously.
I kinda wish we were all a bit more like that.
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